Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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