You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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