just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Shame is for Republicans.
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