Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
