I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
