he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
