so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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