i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
