This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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