Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
