My brain says no but my pants say off.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
