O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
