guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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