clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
