My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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