i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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