Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
