u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
