is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
