worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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