I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
this hospital has no fireball
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
