Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
