I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
