Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
