I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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