I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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