I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
