so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
