he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
