I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
