Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
