I wish my penis had an off switch
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
