btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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