no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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