Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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