This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
