i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Don't EVER smell your tampon
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
