glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
