my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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