guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
