thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
