sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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