if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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