R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
