You really coming over, don't trick.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
