mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
