mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
