y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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