I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
