Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
