I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
