I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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