Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
