Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
