drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
COCAINE IS GR8
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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