I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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