He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
