Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
