I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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