Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
