he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
